WE went to Swansea City’s first Premier League home game of the season yesterday. I’ve been a fan of the Swans for 55 years now. I blame my long departed Auntie Annie for this obsession.
She persuaded my mother to let her take both of us to see the team’s first match under floodlights, in 1960. I was enthralled by the world inside the ground. I still vividly remember my first sight of the floodlight towers in the dark sky; the way the Swans’ players’ white shirts shone under the lights; the overpowering scent of cigarette and pipe tobacco smoke swirling around the crowd.
My mother, meanwhile, was much taken by the sight of the linesman’s shorts. They were Extra Large. He was Extra Small.
The weather was very pleasant yesterday. I didn’t need a jacket, so I filled my jeans pockets with my wallet, matchday lanyards, mobile phone, car keys and glasses case (the last of which consists of six inches of hard unyielding plastic). The combined bulging effect of all of these items made me look, at the trouser pocket level, like a cross between “Just William” Brown and the man who was just pleased to see Mae West (look up the quote if you don’t understand the allusion).
When the teams ran out (actually they walk out these days. The effort of doing this apparently requires them to take a long drink from the waterboys’ bottles before the game can begin) I put on my glasses and everything went blurred. They were my reading glasses.
I watched the game without the aid of any glasses. There was no discernible difference.
When we returned home after the game I poured a bottle of Haymaker, one of the beers I bought recently at Gloucester Services. I artfully arranged bottle, pint pot and bowl of crisps, and took a photo for my beer review blog.
“You don’t think perhaps you’re getting a touch anal about this?” said The Current Mrs Feeney.
“Quite possibly,” I said. “The label says it’s Distinctive And Pale; I’d call it copper.”
“It’s amber” she said.
“That’s more accurate” I said.
“Yes it is” she said.
I’m glad we got that sorted out.